Ladies and Gentlemen...

Yes, it's late summer, and you know what that means.

Just like the annual outbreak of the West Nile Virus, late summer means it's time for LAJC's lackeys to put on the Skit.

After surveying the great literary works of Western civilization--especially the classics from the golden age of skits--getting some good advice from the likes of Andrew Lloyd Webber, and receiving a little divine inspiration, we've finally produced what looks to be a damn fine script. One that we believe is worthy of the fine performing talent in this year's lackey lineup.

You won't want to miss it.

Quote of the Day

"The thing about this dress is that I'm afraid the buttons are going to come undone."

-- female lackey wearing a dress that looks like an oversized dress shirt

Achtung

The People's Committee on Dramatic Reinterpretation is finalizing the skit script.   Please forward your suggestions A.S.A.P.

Guys, For Serious, No More Fist-Bumps Around the Office

Bad things will happen!

Risky Business at LAJC

Do we really need to have a long discussion about whether or not a male lackey should wear pants to work?

We're not talking about wearing shorts, like the cool outfits they wear in the Bahamas, with blazers and ties. We're not even talking about wearing shorts with a tee shirt or a polo shirt.

An unnamed lackey has come to work today looking for all the world like a man who simply forgot to put his pants on this morning.

Dress shirt. Tie. Boxer-short-looking swim trunks. And flip flops.

I've got to believe I'm not the only one who finds it a tad disconcerting to see a man in a dress shirt and tie, walking around the office with no pants on.

Getting Creepy in the Office

So, I would never name names, but there's a certain unnamed male lackey (we'll call him Dude) who has been observed 'flirting' in the office with an unnamed female lackey (we'll call her Babe) in the past. Nothing scandalous, of course. Just friendly flirting.

Well, what I thought was just a penchant for friendly banter turned a little weird today.

Dude mentioned to Babe his recent discovery of a new type of women's skimpy swimsuit.

Hmm.

Dude then follows this up with discussion about a line of apparel from Victoria's Secret.

Huh...

Where is this headed, Dude? Because I think you may be the only one who wants to go there.

The Truth of OGIs (aka, Soylent Green is People!)

Very shortly all the law student interns will be signing up for the action-packed week of tawdry speed-dating known as on grounds interviews (OGIs).

The last couple of weeks at LAJC, we'll all be gorging ourselves on virtuous legal work...fattening up our souls before we offer them up on the auction block for bidding by the purveyors of corporate greed...Big Law.

You see, the way the economics of it works, the more virtue we can pack on this summer, the more vice Big Law will have to shower us with next summer as they seek to seduce us into finally signing away our souls. And while some Big Law firms prefer to avoid all that work, and bypass candidataes who still have consciences to assuage, the best ones know that if they can purchase the allegiance of people with a well developed sense of duty, they can use that to their advantage as they squeeze the pulp from their junior associates.

Ah, yes...when our Big Law firms next summer are showing us a lifestyle would make Dennis Kozlowski blush, that's when all this do-gooding will really pay off. For us, I mean.

For those nervous about OGIs

Advice in musical form:

They offered me the office, offered me the shop
They said I better take anything they got
Do you wanna make tea at the BBC?
Do you wanna be, do really wanna be a cop?

Career opportunities are the ones that never knock
Every job they offer you is to keep out the dock
Career opportunities, the ones that never knock

I hate the army and I hate the RAF
I don’t wanna go fighting in the tropical heat
I hate the civil service rules
And I won’t open letter bombs for you

Career opportunities are the ones that never knock
Every job they offer you is to keep out the dock
Career opportunities, the ones that never knock

Bus driver!
Ambulance man!
Ticket inspector!
I DONT UNDERSTAND!

They’re gonna have to introduce conscription
They’re gonna have to take away my prescription
If they wanna get me making toys
If they wanna get me, well HELL, I got not choice

Career opportunities are the ones that never knock
Every job they offer you is to keep out the dock
Career opportunities, the ones that never knock

Careers
Careers
Careers
Ain’t a-never gonna knock

Joe Strummer rocked on to law review, we think. 

Grammar

Imagine this.  During a much-needed break, two interns are practicing for the upcoming on campus interviews for current 2Ls.  One intern sets the scene. "OK, you be Covington and Burling, I'll be I"

At this point, others interjected, saying, "I'll be I" or "I will be I" could not possibly be right.  But it is.  

Any two nouns linked by some form of the verb "to be", including its future or subjunctive or past tenses, are always both in the nominative or subjective case, e.g., "Who will be the winner?/ The winner will be who?" --> "He will be the winner / The winner will be he." 

NOT

"The winner will be him."

"Whom will be the winner?"

"The winner will be whom?"

Gettin' Funky, Old School

So, for anyone who Liz hasn't brought back to the sunny room already...we now have a sweet 8-track stereo system up and running.

For some strange reason, 8-track tapes are no longer in wide circulation, but we've managed to get a few for our listening pleasure. Some are in better condition than others...Gloria Gaynor appears to be the best at this point, but I've got an e-Bay bid riding on a McCartney & Wings "Band on the Run" 8-track that just might have to get played non-stop until I'm sick of it, if I win the bidding.

So, baby boomers and immediate post-boomers, bring all your old 8-tracks to the sunny room and take a stroll down memory lane. We could even clear some tables and you can show us your moves. (Alex, we know you've got moves that you haven't busted out in a long time.)

. . .

Sad update...

It looks like the Funk Factory needs some cleaning and tuning up before we entrust any really good 8-tracks to it. This afternoon it ate up Peter Frampton (not "Comes Alive"...that would have been a trajedy...the album was "It's in Me," ironically). Dang!

Shanks!

Dear Boiler Room,

Who drew the picture of the birthday cake on the bunker board? Thanks for making my "14th" birthday so special! =D
~Crystal

A shocking revelation! (also, Quote of the Day)

Lackey 1: "You know what I think would help our friendship? If you emptied this hole punch for me."

Lackey 2, opening the hole punch base to empty it into the trash, shocked: "Whoa!!! It's full of these...paper holes!"

"I've only hit someone in the face once....it was actually a girl."
-our fearless leader