Ladies and Gentlemen...

Yes, it's late summer, and you know what that means.

Just like the annual outbreak of the West Nile Virus, late summer means it's time for LAJC's lackeys to put on the Skit.

After surveying the great literary works of Western civilization--especially the classics from the golden age of skits--getting some good advice from the likes of Andrew Lloyd Webber, and receiving a little divine inspiration, we've finally produced what looks to be a damn fine script. One that we believe is worthy of the fine performing talent in this year's lackey lineup.

You won't want to miss it.

Quote of the Day

"The thing about this dress is that I'm afraid the buttons are going to come undone."

-- female lackey wearing a dress that looks like an oversized dress shirt

Achtung

The People's Committee on Dramatic Reinterpretation is finalizing the skit script.   Please forward your suggestions A.S.A.P.

Guys, For Serious, No More Fist-Bumps Around the Office

Bad things will happen!

Risky Business at LAJC

Do we really need to have a long discussion about whether or not a male lackey should wear pants to work?

We're not talking about wearing shorts, like the cool outfits they wear in the Bahamas, with blazers and ties. We're not even talking about wearing shorts with a tee shirt or a polo shirt.

An unnamed lackey has come to work today looking for all the world like a man who simply forgot to put his pants on this morning.

Dress shirt. Tie. Boxer-short-looking swim trunks. And flip flops.

I've got to believe I'm not the only one who finds it a tad disconcerting to see a man in a dress shirt and tie, walking around the office with no pants on.

Getting Creepy in the Office

So, I would never name names, but there's a certain unnamed male lackey (we'll call him Dude) who has been observed 'flirting' in the office with an unnamed female lackey (we'll call her Babe) in the past. Nothing scandalous, of course. Just friendly flirting.

Well, what I thought was just a penchant for friendly banter turned a little weird today.

Dude mentioned to Babe his recent discovery of a new type of women's skimpy swimsuit.

Hmm.

Dude then follows this up with discussion about a line of apparel from Victoria's Secret.

Huh...

Where is this headed, Dude? Because I think you may be the only one who wants to go there.

The Truth of OGIs (aka, Soylent Green is People!)

Very shortly all the law student interns will be signing up for the action-packed week of tawdry speed-dating known as on grounds interviews (OGIs).

The last couple of weeks at LAJC, we'll all be gorging ourselves on virtuous legal work...fattening up our souls before we offer them up on the auction block for bidding by the purveyors of corporate greed...Big Law.

You see, the way the economics of it works, the more virtue we can pack on this summer, the more vice Big Law will have to shower us with next summer as they seek to seduce us into finally signing away our souls. And while some Big Law firms prefer to avoid all that work, and bypass candidataes who still have consciences to assuage, the best ones know that if they can purchase the allegiance of people with a well developed sense of duty, they can use that to their advantage as they squeeze the pulp from their junior associates.

Ah, yes...when our Big Law firms next summer are showing us a lifestyle would make Dennis Kozlowski blush, that's when all this do-gooding will really pay off. For us, I mean.

For those nervous about OGIs

Advice in musical form:

They offered me the office, offered me the shop
They said I better take anything they got
Do you wanna make tea at the BBC?
Do you wanna be, do really wanna be a cop?

Career opportunities are the ones that never knock
Every job they offer you is to keep out the dock
Career opportunities, the ones that never knock

I hate the army and I hate the RAF
I don’t wanna go fighting in the tropical heat
I hate the civil service rules
And I won’t open letter bombs for you

Career opportunities are the ones that never knock
Every job they offer you is to keep out the dock
Career opportunities, the ones that never knock

Bus driver!
Ambulance man!
Ticket inspector!
I DONT UNDERSTAND!

They’re gonna have to introduce conscription
They’re gonna have to take away my prescription
If they wanna get me making toys
If they wanna get me, well HELL, I got not choice

Career opportunities are the ones that never knock
Every job they offer you is to keep out the dock
Career opportunities, the ones that never knock

Careers
Careers
Careers
Ain’t a-never gonna knock

Joe Strummer rocked on to law review, we think. 

Grammar

Imagine this.  During a much-needed break, two interns are practicing for the upcoming on campus interviews for current 2Ls.  One intern sets the scene. "OK, you be Covington and Burling, I'll be I"

At this point, others interjected, saying, "I'll be I" or "I will be I" could not possibly be right.  But it is.  

Any two nouns linked by some form of the verb "to be", including its future or subjunctive or past tenses, are always both in the nominative or subjective case, e.g., "Who will be the winner?/ The winner will be who?" --> "He will be the winner / The winner will be he." 

NOT

"The winner will be him."

"Whom will be the winner?"

"The winner will be whom?"

Gettin' Funky, Old School

So, for anyone who Liz hasn't brought back to the sunny room already...we now have a sweet 8-track stereo system up and running.

For some strange reason, 8-track tapes are no longer in wide circulation, but we've managed to get a few for our listening pleasure. Some are in better condition than others...Gloria Gaynor appears to be the best at this point, but I've got an e-Bay bid riding on a McCartney & Wings "Band on the Run" 8-track that just might have to get played non-stop until I'm sick of it, if I win the bidding.

So, baby boomers and immediate post-boomers, bring all your old 8-tracks to the sunny room and take a stroll down memory lane. We could even clear some tables and you can show us your moves. (Alex, we know you've got moves that you haven't busted out in a long time.)

. . .

Sad update...

It looks like the Funk Factory needs some cleaning and tuning up before we entrust any really good 8-tracks to it. This afternoon it ate up Peter Frampton (not "Comes Alive"...that would have been a trajedy...the album was "It's in Me," ironically). Dang!

Shanks!

Dear Boiler Room,

Who drew the picture of the birthday cake on the bunker board? Thanks for making my "14th" birthday so special! =D
~Crystal

A shocking revelation! (also, Quote of the Day)

Lackey 1: "You know what I think would help our friendship? If you emptied this hole punch for me."

Lackey 2, opening the hole punch base to empty it into the trash, shocked: "Whoa!!! It's full of these...paper holes!"

"I've only hit someone in the face once....it was actually a girl."
-our fearless leader

Flirting...at work...!

As an anonymous lackey, I normally wouldn't share this with the entire readership of the blog (thanks for all the cards & letters, by the way), but this was just too egregious to let slide.

So I was sitting in one of the LAJC work rooms (aka, the Bunker) with other lackeys, pleasantly enjoying the fluorescent lights and stale air on a summer day when one young, single lackey ("Dude," let's call him) starts blatantly flirting with another young, single lackey ("Babe," we'll call her).

Babe was gamely carrying her end of the conversation, but from what I could tell, Dude was definitely pushing it.

So, dispassionate lackey that I am, I made the simple observation that there was a lot of flirting going on. This was followed by startled looks and nervous laughter. No problem.

Only, Dude teased Babe, who blushed a little, and then Dude announces that Babe has turned so red.

This wouldn't be so bad, but as it so happens, Dude's complexion is essentially blush-proof. So Dude thinks he's making a clean getaway, and shifting embarrassment to Babe. At least, that's how it appeared to this dispassionate lackey.

Not cool, Dude.

I'll get you for this!!!

As we're sure many others have noticed, a little oasis of sweetness has recently dried up at LAJC. Emily Dreyfus has made some drastic changes in her office...including the elimination of the little candy dish.

First, several weeks ago, we noticed that the dish contained grotesquely undersized Hershey Kisses. But at least there was something.

Now it's gone. GONE!

This is a blog, not a vlog, so I you'll just have to trust that I'm rolling around on the floor right now, kicking and screaming and crying and cursing. Aaaaarrrrgggghhh!!!

Quote/banter of the day

Intern: Kyle and Julia are having a baby!

Other Intern: What, together?

Draft Day!

Draft Day is finally here! Keep your fingers crossed that we'll hear Sean Singletary's name called tonight. Do y'all remember a certain blog post about man-crushes? Well, there was another recent conversation regarding #44 involving the same party.

Crystal: I really hope Sean is drafted.

Jose: The only thing is that there are so many point guards in this year's draft.

[unidentified male]: Yeah, but are any of them as much of a STONE-COLD STUD as he is?

Best wishes, Sean!

Cultural Critic Reviews Local Legend

One of the things the younger lackeys will someday discover is the potentially delicate dance of entertaining the visiting in-laws. Well, last weekend this lackey's in-laws were in town, resulting in my first visit to Walton's Mountain Museum.

For our younger readers (younger than, say, 30), The Waltons was beloved TV show that ran from 1972-1981, and took place just a half-hour south of Charlottesville, in Schuyler...although the location was referred to as Walton's Mountain. (Hence, the name of the museum.) Check out Wikipedia for more info on the show. Suffice it to say, it was not an action-packed thrill-ride. But the in-laws watch it twice a day on the Hallmark Channel, so we made the pilgrimage.

If any of you who have been in Charlottesville for any length of time have (inexplicably) yet to visit Walton's Mountain Museum, let me summarize the experience.

It started with a video shot in 1992, when the museum opened, about why the show was so great, and how it improbably trounced the Flip Wilson Show and the Mod Squad in ratings (they must have mentioned that a half-dozen times) and thereby saved America from moral decay and cultural doom. Thank heavens.

The most interesting thing, though, was that we weren't the only ones visiting the museum when we were there. There were probably 6 other groups or families visiting. At least one had an English accent. And apparently there's not just a Waltons Fan Club (which you can join for $15/yr), but some kind of Waltons groupie club in England, too. Who knew?

Anyway...if you're a Hallmark Channel junkie (and I know lots of you are), and want to restore your faith in good old American virtue, go for it. ($6 for admission)

Trivia Champs

Congrats to the trivia team last night! Even though we didn't carry the night, first place at the half is still awesome. And one intern was a surprise trivia maniac, who knew almost all the answers and could've been a winning team all on his own. I think, with his help, the interns could successfully challenge the LAJC staff at a future trivia night.

Woke Up This Morning . . . Got Yourself a Gun!

Scalia to the District: You from the hood (DC), I hope ya . . . GOT YOURSELF A GUN!

Who's the Boom King?

The term "hot date" has been thrown around the Bunker and its sunny colony a lot lately.

One fairly quiet intern seems to go on actual dates with his/her Hot Date. Another has been having dinner a lot lately with several Hot Dates, but claims there's nothing to this. A third seems to be curious about where one finds a Hot Date. (Others are either already in steady relationships, or perhaps too discrete to mention the topic.)

So, who actually is the Boom King or Queen? (A reference to Flight of the Conchords...as is the photo.)

My money's on the fairly quiet lackey, or perhaps the totally silent one.

Snaps, Claws, and Wedding Lists

So I'm wondering if anyone, anywhere, other than one person in the annex, thinks regularly about their wedding list when the possibility of marriage is not impending. For instance, when someone holds the door open for you, one thinking about their wedding list might say "Thanks, I'll hold the door for you...at my wedding." So, anybody thinking about the list of invitees at their not happening anytime soon wedding?

No Sparkle Jump = No Skit

Last Thursday at the case review meeting I believe we were promised a "Sparkle Jump" at the end of the meeting. (Something along the lines of the above picture, if I'm not mistaken.) This was apparently just a tease, as no such jump was performed, at least not for our viewing.

So, if turnabout is fair play, as they say...the "skit" is going to be brief indeed.

In fact, for all his early chatter about the skit, the Boilermaster hasn't even bothered to hold a viewing of last year's production, to get the lackeys' creative juices flowing.

For all the support we've gotten so far, all signs point to a "skit" written and performed at about a 3rd grade level. (If we can only get our moms to sew us little flower and butterfly costumes...)

Can We Start Wearing Short Sleeves?

Maybe!  Rumor has it that Scalia is writing the majority opinion on DC v. Heller (presumably overturning the gun ban in the district - like DC really needs more guns).  

The joke was a stretch but we made it work!  Law-related and a response to a previous jab.   As for the rest of you, post something funny ~ if you guys continue on insisting to be so boring, it's gonna be one sorry skit . . . .

Celtic Fans Have No Class - Trash Boston Legal Aid; Charlotteville next?

The Bunker - what's left of it - is on guard for vagrant Celtics fan coming to trash our office.  

Two days after the Boston Celtics grabbed the NBA championship for the first time in decades, and as jubilant fans were toasting the team at a victory parade, Robert A. Sable was walking on broken glass in the ruined offices of Greater Boston Legal Services.

GBLS' offices, which are off Causeway Street near the TD Banknorth Garden, bore the brunt of one fan's exuberance after the championship win. Now its newly renovated lobby is destroyed.

"We probably spent at least $300,000 [on the lobby]," says Sable, who is GBLS' executive director. "We had brand-new windows, brand-new furniture and a really nice kids' area."

Check it out on ATL. 

Going al fresco

Of course, young, creative, ambitious law students are always thinking of ways to make things better. Well, there's an addition to the lovely LAJC offices that we're looking forward to making this summer.

The completely unutilized patio area just outside the Boiler Room and Carolyn's office is just begging to be transformed into a civilized sidewalk cafe. So here's the vision.

Just a couple hundred dollars, a few hours of lackey labor, and some trips to the Habitat Store, and we'll have the perfect summer spot.

Brilliant, huh? Huh? Oh, yeah.

YOU! ME! DANCING!

By Los Campesinos.  Someone had this song playing throughout (what's left of) the bunker.  Awesome.

That Pioneering Spirit

Always in search of greater productivity in the defense of justice, the more adventurous and ambitious of the Bunkermates have decided to colonize the nicest uninhabited space in the offices--the room next to Carolyn Kalantari's office. It's got two big windows, a beautiful view, a door to the patio (yes, the patio), and its own bathroom!

Yes, some of the more regressive, change-averse Bunkermates have voiced their disappointment. But there will always be those who fear change.

And, frankly, those who already have windows of their own don't really appreciate the psychological costs of going without one for weeks on end.

Traitors!

Some former bunker mates have decided to abandon our home for some other room just because it has a window. Where is the loyalty to the bunker?

Quote of the Day

"You know what you need to do? You need to lift weights and get huge like me."

- male lackey, talking to female lackey

Bowlderizin' in the Bunker

Someone wants us to bowdlerize our fashion.  Reminds us of when  Ashcroft wanted to cover the statutes of justice.    

tr.v. bowd·ler·ized, bowd·ler·iz·ing, bowd·ler·iz·es
To remove material that is considered offensive or objectionable from (a book, for example).

[After Thomas Bowdler (1754-1825), who published an expurgated edition of Shakespeare in 1818.]

bowd'ler·ism n., bowd'ler·i·za'tion (-lər-ĭ-zā'shən) n., bowd'ler·iz'er n.

Flight of the Conchords = New Coldplay is Out

Whoever you are, we heart you.

Quote of the Day

"If you're insisting on being overweight, Cici's is the way to do it."

Northern Virginia is ground zero for this type of behavior!

... the allergy-faking phenomenon. It's a serious problem- the plague of our generation, really. 

The next time your friend tells you he is allergic to peanuts and can't eat that PBJ you've offered him, you shove that sandwich in his face and force him to consume it! These picky eaters parading around as people with legitimate medical problems will NOT be tolerated! When his face swells and he starts to make sounds like his throat is closing up, kindly compliment his performance and dedication to excuses for being an upper-class food snob. 

A message from the Bunker command center. 

Quote of the Day

"I am a surgeon of the law"

All Quiet on the Western Front

...and eastern, northern and southern fronts. Current Bunker population: 1. Fortunately, the Boiler Room and Annexes are down to similarly dwindling populations and thus the bunker need not fear invasion. Despite the security though, the camaraderie is sorely missed.

Our Birthday Present To All of You

Any of you cats know what Muxtape is?  Anyway, our Birthday present to all of you: a mixtape of songs bound to help you get your justice on. 

Chiang Kai Shek: Music to Re-Unify To

We - the editorial we - think it rocks, and so will you.  It's good we promise~ *pumps fist*

(Warning: Some of the songs may have lyrics that are politically/socially/psychologically unsettling.  You've been warned).

Maine: The Way Life Should Be

well, after sitting on the beach for endless hours, sailing til I looked like a lobster, and eating blueberries like chips I'm ready to come back to the bunker. what can i say? I miss that windowless room and all your smiling faces! 

Bruce Lee v. Kareem Abdul Jabbar

This is directly relevant to today's work.

Protecting Our Turf

Okay, so it's not actually turf...it's an herb plant. But this morning, one of the staff decided to steal one of the Bunker lackey's personal potted plants.

The lackey had placed her potted mint plant in the atrium to soak up some natural light, and photosynthesize and all. Then this morning, one of the LAJC staff members marched right up to it and took it into her office, to take home. This despite the lackey telling the staff member that the mint was hers, and that she had brought it from home. (Of course, it was sitting on the side table where Abigail's tomato seedlings were the other day, for all to take.)

Well, one of the lackey's Bunkermates has retreived the purloined plant for her, returning it to the sun-starved safety of the Bunker. But we've got our eye on the guilty staffer.

Natural Bridge

The Bunker Tourism Board would like to let you know that if you want to visit the Natural Bridge, be prepared to shell out for a hefty $13 fee. However, tourists in the know can revel in quality free attractions highlighting mankind's connection with nature such as: lady riding a dinosaur (not shown: cowboy riding a dinosaur).




Even local residents proclaim their love of all things natural, such an homage to animals everywhere with a deer on the front porch. Finally, no trip would be complete without swinging by the much more recent, but still impressive....Foamhenge.

Traitor Among Us

After I realized the plant sabotage that went on yesterday in the absence of many bunker lackeys, one of our alleged colleagues announced that he LET the boiler room saboteurs steal the plants. We in the Bunker are hereby un-annexing the annex. You're out, annex.

The Origins of Westlaw

In response to a question about the difference between Westlaw and Lexis:

"There are several hypotheses as to how organic molecules first emerged. Among them, the Deep Sea Vent Theory, Fox's experiments, Eigen's hypothesis, the Radioactive beach theory, Homochirality, Self-organization and replication, and my personal favorite, the Primordial Soup Theory- and not just because I like soup! Now, the Deep Sea Vent theory has is merits, primarily..."

(approximation)

The Last Man?

The vast majority of bunker personnel have mysteriously disappeared, and Phil, commander, along with them. Whoever is left should continue to forge a Spartan existence and hope for the best.  Godspeed.  

Tim: Promise-Keeper

A word of wisdom to this year's lackeys, from an old alumnus (and founder of the Boiler Room blog, as he is quick to point out)... You can take your LAJC supervisor at his/her word, but be prepared to hound him/her like a rabid bill collector for years.

In the summer of 2006--when gas cost well below $3/gal and Tom Delay was the Hammer in the House of Representatives--Boiler Room lackey Mike Hollender's supervisor promised him a tied-balloon representation of the Korean peninsula (for obvious reasons).

Well, after 2 years of dogged pestering, today Mike took delivery of what is believed to be the world's first tied-balloon Korea.

Some pretty impressive handiwork, too.

hmmm...

"I'm going to the Atrium in a minute." - Phil
"Ok, it's a date. Crystal, Erin, do you want to join us?" -Andy
"That's ok, I don't want to be a third wheel." -Erin
"Oh, there's plenty of Andy to go around." -Andy

The makings of a miraculous recovery

After an amazing outpouring of concern from friends far and wide, we are happy to report that our wee Bunkermate appears to have survived (just barely) the vicious attack she suffered last week.

She spent the weekend recuperating in the windowed annex to the Bunker, soaking up the sunlight that is so completely lacking within the Bunker. And as a result, the prognosis is quite good.

Last Friday it appeared that only a single leafed stalk survived the attempted decapitating blow. Miraculously, however, petals sprung forth over the weekend on a second stalk. And tiny buds on two or three other stalks hold the promise of new flowers.

Yes, she's a fighter...and an inspiration to all. With luck she'll pull through and bloom once more.

The most improbable of Veggie Tales

After spending last summer in the Boiler Room, and all of this last school year in Alex's mental health law clinic, I've seen the man put away some pretty scary food. Lots of McGrady's and Mel's, and a little bit of Shoneys.

As time went on, Alex repeatedly busted through the limits of the intuitive actuarial models in my head, as I watched him consume ungodly amounts of saturated fats while emphatically shunning unfried vegetables. As he laughed off my inquiries into his cholesterol levels (he's never had them checked!), my concern for LAJC succession planning grew.

Finally, however, I have witnessed some positive signs.

Twice so far this summer I have witnessed Alex eating GREEN SALAD! And not, like, green jello salad...green as in vegetables. Fresh produce! TWICE!

It's not much, mind you...but it's reason for hope.

Keep it up, big guy!

Flight of the Conchords Library, Where are You?

Get online! We want to listen to your unparalleled selection of music . . . somebody in the Bunker, draw up the writ of mandamus!

Scalia Likes Sex and the City?

When he's not deciding Presidential elections, teaching Con-law classes at UVA Law, and duck-hunting with Dick Cheney, Justice Scalia likes to watch Sex and the City. Hrmmph, how come we could never get along? 

If You Want to Be a Good Lawyer . . .

 . . . then you'd better learn how to play Poker. 

-Jeffery O'Connell, inventor of no-fault liability insurance, UVA Law professor, greatest trial lawyer in the history of the world.

You know the time and place.  And if not, call us.  We'll tell you.  We're working on the play-list now, and let us be the first to say - it rocks. 

Clinging to life after brutal attack...

The Bunker lackeys are maintaining a somber vigil for our sweetest, cutest Bunkermate. We're hopeful that she'll recover, but it's still touch-and-go at the moment.

In case you haven't heard, this morning the potted clover suffered a vicious attack and attempted decapitation. The large, heavy old Legal Aid Society sign tipped away from the wall and slammed full-force on the poor plant, which was sitting quietly on the table below. All of her blossoms and most of her stems were severed by the blow. (Also, as readers of this blog know, yesterday one of the Bunker lackeys was similarly attacked by a falling bulletin board.)

We have not yet been able to determine if the sign jumped or was pushed, or who would want to engineer such a gruesome attack. We certainly wouldn't characterize the Boiler Room lackeys as suspects, but because of their well-known jealousy of the Bunker and our office greenery, let's just say they're "persons of interest."

Quote of the Day

"I'm no mathologist..."

Help!

The walls of the bunker are caving in. Literally. I was almost crushed. Where is our fearless leader when we need him??

Kind of a Big Deal

"Erin, you should know this by now, but I pretty much feel important all the time."
-Anonymous

An Inconvient Truth

Yesterday a heat wave hit the bunker. Los Campesinos almost couldn't take it, and tensions were running high. The fact that the internet was a little sketch throughout the day didn't help the situation. At one point the entire staff - those that had not yet succumbed to heat stroke - were embroiled in a tit-for-tat about what constitutes a man-crush and the related question of whether UVA expends to much money to hold on to its professors. We'll let someone else talk about that, though. . .

Still, some of us were lucky enough to make it out afterwards for an aborted attempt at trivia. Even though that didn't work out, tasty pizza and ice cream was had, as well as a good time by all.

Oh. Internet + global warming = al gore. duh.

Word of Day

VITUPERATIVE (adjective)

marked by harshly abusive criticism; "his scathing remarks about silly lady novelists"; "her vituperative railing" [syn: scathing]

Newer & Cooler?!

Apparently one of the Boiler Room lackeys is posting to their blog under the name "A newer, cooler version of Phil." As someone who has known the older, squarer Phil for some time, I must register my disappointment with this person's choice of nicknames.

You'd think that someone attending a top-10 law school would not be so obvious in conforming to the stereotype of this "slacker" generation. You'd think they'd know how to set their sights a little higher.

I can only think of one semi-lackey who is even arguably not newer and cooler than Phil...and she's a law school graduate already.

PLEASE...you can do better than that! (Or can you...?!?!)

Word of the Day: Weltanschauung

Noun.

A comprehensive view of the world and human life.

1868, from Ger., from welt "world" + anschauung "perception"

Good Night, Sweet Princess?

The Nation is reporting that Clinton's campaign has said (hearsay!) that HRC may be throwing in the towel tonight. Expect a classy speech with a nice pants-suit. 

Or not.  Just like us, who are also, sort of, from New York, she might have a few (more) tricks up her sleeve. 

EDIT: Or not? 

Word of the Day - "bloviate"

To speak or write at length in a pompous or boastful manner. 

E.g. "Justice Holmes, despite his sharp legal mind, tended to bloviate a bit in some of his most famous opinions"

Try to use it at least once today, OK?

Victory Quote of the Day

"I think the boiler room lost the blog war"
-Lackey238

Luncheon on the Grass

The Bunker lackeys give big kudos (or is it many kudos?) to LAJC management for the fine feast yesterday. The delectable sandwiches (from Feast, no less) made us feel like well-heeled adults, and the ice cream bars for dessert made us feel like kids again.

And the front lawn of the Rock House, shaded and sun-dappled, was a festival of fellowship among the big LAJC family.

Good times.

Quote of the Day

"I hate to run. I think running is for emergencies."
-Bunker Lackey

To catch a law clerk

So, a friend of mine who is interning for a legal aid program in a quiet town is a little worried about one of her fellow interns.

On a recent lunch hour, my friend's coworkers went to the park across the street, filled with schoolkids, and after sitting down to eat over by the bushes not far from the playground, one of her coworkers took the opportunity to show them how one of his articles of clothing has a secret, lewd picture printed on it.

So the question is...should adult men with secret, explicit pictures on their clothes really be hanging around playgrounds full of kids, creeping around over by the bushes?

Anyone care to take the first-amendment side of that argument?

Word of the Day: Torpid

1. Deprived of the power of motion or feeling; benumbed.
2. Dormant; hibernating.
3. Lethargic; apathetic.

For.My.Ears.Only

You know, some people keep thier itunes library private, and for good reason. Do you really want the whole world to know that a ,ahem, grown man has gossip girls in his library? Didn't think so.

This. Is. Radio. Clash.

Why don't more people share their iTunes library? Also, what's up with people restricting their iTunes library? We don't know if that's better or worse than not sharing it. Anyway, we're arguing for open access here, subject to any restrictions imposed by Federal copyright law, etc. etc.

Dig "Breakin' Bones and Breakin' Hearts". You won't be dissapointed.

For the discriminating palette

The Bunker's resident food critic, who will of course remain anonymous, gave high praise earlier this week to a gastronomic ugly duckling just down the street from LAJC. After an evening at McGrady's Irish Pub, the critic judged McGrady's food to be "excellent!" The fried macaroni and cheese is a tour de force. The fried oreos, on the other hand, are too "bourgeois."

Hopefully we can all benefit from more of the critic's reports over the course of the summer...if the Michelin Guide doesn't snap him/her up before the summer's through.

If Kevin Garnett Worked for the LAJC

TO:        Legal Aid Justice Attorneys, Staff, and Interns

FROM: Rule 12 (f), esq.

RE:        Kevin Garnett's employment at LAJC

DATE:   May 29, 2008

QUESTION PRESENTED:  It has come to our attention that most people here are not watching the Celtics right now and therefore, for some bizzare reason or another, do not know who Kevin Garnett is.  In order to make this accessible to the philistines, we've decided to answer the age-old question:  What would life be like Kevin Garnett worked at the LAJC.

SHORT ANSWER: It would rock

LONG ANSWER:  Kevin Garnett would completely revolutionize life at the LAJC in several different respects. I have summarized the key changes:

1) Education.  Many interns come from top law schools and have already completed college.  Some other interns are in college and are excelling there.  Kevin Garnett did not goto college, he didn't need to because he was so good that he got a job right out of high school.  He has life experience - he grew up on the hard streets of South Carolina, so his lack of formal education won't be problem. If you got a B+ in Property, it's a pretty good bet that Kevin Garnett would have gotten an A-. At least.  And when you can drive like Garnett, you don't need to *know* anything.

2) Compensation. LAJC offers no compensation to summer interns. Some are lucky enough to snag PILA grants, but even those only pay out a couple grand.  Kevin Garnett, however, is different.  In order to snag Garnett away from the burgeoning Boston five, the LAJC is going to have to dig deep.  Garnett receives $20 million dollars annually for his services for the Celtics, so to snag him for the Summer, LAJC needs to be prepared to dish out at least five million.  We might be able to get this pro-rated on account of the fact that interns were required to report by May 18, but my research has indicated that we may be required to indeminify the Celtics if Garnett's absence causes them to lose to the Lakers in the NBA championship for all the cool hats and stuff they won't be able to sell.  See, e.g., People v. Bryant, 56 Colo. 567 (Denver Dist. Ct, 2004).   Anyway, we think the price will be worth it and that the Celtics *may* still be able to hold out against Los Angeles without Garnett. 

3) Expertise.  Basketball players are great litigators. LeBron James, He's Faking It, A Commercial.  We recommend that Garnett start off in the boiler room with the civil advocacy division.  This works out because Garnett, who is 6' 11'' (7' 1'' by some measures), would probably not fit in the bunker. We could use Garnett's poise to brown-beat our adversaries in to submission.  Also, if any cases in arbitration involve basketball, he'd be OK at that too. 

4) Social Events.  Garnett is known as a very social person, and no doubt McGrady's happy hour would be even better than it is now.  If such a thing is even possible.

CONCLUSION:  Garnett would represent a valuable addition to our organization.  We personally volunteer to be LAJC's liaison to the Boston Celtics to see if they will let us have Kevin for the Summer.  We'll need travel money, a week off, and box-seats to the finals. 

Light and goodness

They say sunshine is the best disinfectant, but I wonder about that.

Ever notice how the Boiler Room's blog is all dark and conspiratorial and macabre? Pictures of gun-toting jingo dudes, mutants with eye patches or with weird eyeballs on the outside of their heads, talk of commando forces, etc. What's up with that?

And it's not just a hard-boiled veneer. (The recent post with the picture of a flower is transparent pandering.) As of this morning, you couldn't post a comment to the Boiler Room blog without waiting for the blog's moderator to censor or approve it. What are they afraid of?

The Bunker, on the other hand, is all openness and light and love. (I'm not so sure about the fly-squashing guy in the annex, but we'll try to rehabilitate him.) And you can post your comments directly to the blog...no censors keeping a tight grip on the content.

Oddly enough, the Boiler Room lackeys, blessed with big windows and fresh air, are the ones with the twisted bunker mentality. It's sad.

You, the reader, are free to prefer the Cheney-like dark creepiness of the Boiler Room blog, of course. But we invite you to embrace the more positive, Obama-like openness and optimism of the Bunker blog.

Join us. Yes we can!

You Don't Need a Weatherman to Tell Which Way the Wind Blows

We - the editorial we - are not actually in the bunker, but rather an annex to the bunker where the very most important work of the organization is done. Articles of Incorporation, By-laws, Form 990, Dissolution Clauses, Board Meetings - it all happens here. Our work is so important that we have a window. Just saying.

We have faced our first challenge. Yesterday a horsefly snuck into the room. There was a split among the junta as to what to make of this intrusion. Miranda favored leniency; but we explained that we must make an example of this first intruder to his comrades-in-arms, lest they foolishly return to the annex. It's dangerous, because if they were able to get by us (doubtful because we are wicked strong and fast, but anything is possible) and into the bunker proper, all would be lost.

Explaining this, there was no further dissent. The intruder, lulled into a false sense of security, no doubt, by the soothing cadence of our voice, was relaxing on the ABA Non-Profit Governance Manual. A deadly miscalculation. For this partisan, retribution was swift: our fist, without wavering or slowing, came crashing down upon him like a thunderbolt from Zeus, crushing his exoskeleton in one foul swoop. In a crushing coup de grace, we picked up the Manual and watched the corpus of the hapless wanderer slide into the waste receptical, like so many dreams abandoned and struggles lost.

The other insects must have gotten the message. So far, we have had freedom and peace. Sometimes, to make an omlette, you have to break some eggs.

P.S. the title is from Dylan, Subterranean Homesick Blues. Know it. Get it.

Weather Report from the Bunker

Windy conditions beginning mid-morning and continuing for the rest of the summer. Cloudless and fluorescent skies. The icicles beginning to develop in the ice box are not expected to melt any time soon.

Quote for the Day

(or at least the morning)

"If you dress for success, it's better."

Word of the day

CATACHRESIS:

1) use of the wrong word for the context;

2) use of a forced or especially paradoxical figure of speech

This was actually used in a sentence in the Bunker today, by one of the interns. Seriously.

Basking in the fluorescent lights

So, as our summer internship begins, we've been wondering how we came to be here, hidden away in this windowless, airless room...while the other group of interns occupies the windowed, natural-light-filled room in the front of the building. Why?

It's clear that we're just too hot to let out into the open. We're like a clandestine uranium enrichment program, hidden in an underground bunker. Or a secret pot farm thriving under fluorescent grow-lights in the attic of an innocent-looking suburban house.

So, let the Boiler Room lackeys soak up the natural light and pretend to get work done, like manequins in a retail store's display window. We'll be back here in the airless, windowless nerve center, quietly wringing justice from a corrupt world.