For.My.Ears.Only

You know, some people keep thier itunes library private, and for good reason. Do you really want the whole world to know that a ,ahem, grown man has gossip girls in his library? Didn't think so.

This. Is. Radio. Clash.

Why don't more people share their iTunes library? Also, what's up with people restricting their iTunes library? We don't know if that's better or worse than not sharing it. Anyway, we're arguing for open access here, subject to any restrictions imposed by Federal copyright law, etc. etc.

Dig "Breakin' Bones and Breakin' Hearts". You won't be dissapointed.

For the discriminating palette

The Bunker's resident food critic, who will of course remain anonymous, gave high praise earlier this week to a gastronomic ugly duckling just down the street from LAJC. After an evening at McGrady's Irish Pub, the critic judged McGrady's food to be "excellent!" The fried macaroni and cheese is a tour de force. The fried oreos, on the other hand, are too "bourgeois."

Hopefully we can all benefit from more of the critic's reports over the course of the summer...if the Michelin Guide doesn't snap him/her up before the summer's through.

If Kevin Garnett Worked for the LAJC

TO:        Legal Aid Justice Attorneys, Staff, and Interns

FROM: Rule 12 (f), esq.

RE:        Kevin Garnett's employment at LAJC

DATE:   May 29, 2008

QUESTION PRESENTED:  It has come to our attention that most people here are not watching the Celtics right now and therefore, for some bizzare reason or another, do not know who Kevin Garnett is.  In order to make this accessible to the philistines, we've decided to answer the age-old question:  What would life be like Kevin Garnett worked at the LAJC.

SHORT ANSWER: It would rock

LONG ANSWER:  Kevin Garnett would completely revolutionize life at the LAJC in several different respects. I have summarized the key changes:

1) Education.  Many interns come from top law schools and have already completed college.  Some other interns are in college and are excelling there.  Kevin Garnett did not goto college, he didn't need to because he was so good that he got a job right out of high school.  He has life experience - he grew up on the hard streets of South Carolina, so his lack of formal education won't be problem. If you got a B+ in Property, it's a pretty good bet that Kevin Garnett would have gotten an A-. At least.  And when you can drive like Garnett, you don't need to *know* anything.

2) Compensation. LAJC offers no compensation to summer interns. Some are lucky enough to snag PILA grants, but even those only pay out a couple grand.  Kevin Garnett, however, is different.  In order to snag Garnett away from the burgeoning Boston five, the LAJC is going to have to dig deep.  Garnett receives $20 million dollars annually for his services for the Celtics, so to snag him for the Summer, LAJC needs to be prepared to dish out at least five million.  We might be able to get this pro-rated on account of the fact that interns were required to report by May 18, but my research has indicated that we may be required to indeminify the Celtics if Garnett's absence causes them to lose to the Lakers in the NBA championship for all the cool hats and stuff they won't be able to sell.  See, e.g., People v. Bryant, 56 Colo. 567 (Denver Dist. Ct, 2004).   Anyway, we think the price will be worth it and that the Celtics *may* still be able to hold out against Los Angeles without Garnett. 

3) Expertise.  Basketball players are great litigators. LeBron James, He's Faking It, A Commercial.  We recommend that Garnett start off in the boiler room with the civil advocacy division.  This works out because Garnett, who is 6' 11'' (7' 1'' by some measures), would probably not fit in the bunker. We could use Garnett's poise to brown-beat our adversaries in to submission.  Also, if any cases in arbitration involve basketball, he'd be OK at that too. 

4) Social Events.  Garnett is known as a very social person, and no doubt McGrady's happy hour would be even better than it is now.  If such a thing is even possible.

CONCLUSION:  Garnett would represent a valuable addition to our organization.  We personally volunteer to be LAJC's liaison to the Boston Celtics to see if they will let us have Kevin for the Summer.  We'll need travel money, a week off, and box-seats to the finals. 

Light and goodness

They say sunshine is the best disinfectant, but I wonder about that.

Ever notice how the Boiler Room's blog is all dark and conspiratorial and macabre? Pictures of gun-toting jingo dudes, mutants with eye patches or with weird eyeballs on the outside of their heads, talk of commando forces, etc. What's up with that?

And it's not just a hard-boiled veneer. (The recent post with the picture of a flower is transparent pandering.) As of this morning, you couldn't post a comment to the Boiler Room blog without waiting for the blog's moderator to censor or approve it. What are they afraid of?

The Bunker, on the other hand, is all openness and light and love. (I'm not so sure about the fly-squashing guy in the annex, but we'll try to rehabilitate him.) And you can post your comments directly to the blog...no censors keeping a tight grip on the content.

Oddly enough, the Boiler Room lackeys, blessed with big windows and fresh air, are the ones with the twisted bunker mentality. It's sad.

You, the reader, are free to prefer the Cheney-like dark creepiness of the Boiler Room blog, of course. But we invite you to embrace the more positive, Obama-like openness and optimism of the Bunker blog.

Join us. Yes we can!

You Don't Need a Weatherman to Tell Which Way the Wind Blows

We - the editorial we - are not actually in the bunker, but rather an annex to the bunker where the very most important work of the organization is done. Articles of Incorporation, By-laws, Form 990, Dissolution Clauses, Board Meetings - it all happens here. Our work is so important that we have a window. Just saying.

We have faced our first challenge. Yesterday a horsefly snuck into the room. There was a split among the junta as to what to make of this intrusion. Miranda favored leniency; but we explained that we must make an example of this first intruder to his comrades-in-arms, lest they foolishly return to the annex. It's dangerous, because if they were able to get by us (doubtful because we are wicked strong and fast, but anything is possible) and into the bunker proper, all would be lost.

Explaining this, there was no further dissent. The intruder, lulled into a false sense of security, no doubt, by the soothing cadence of our voice, was relaxing on the ABA Non-Profit Governance Manual. A deadly miscalculation. For this partisan, retribution was swift: our fist, without wavering or slowing, came crashing down upon him like a thunderbolt from Zeus, crushing his exoskeleton in one foul swoop. In a crushing coup de grace, we picked up the Manual and watched the corpus of the hapless wanderer slide into the waste receptical, like so many dreams abandoned and struggles lost.

The other insects must have gotten the message. So far, we have had freedom and peace. Sometimes, to make an omlette, you have to break some eggs.

P.S. the title is from Dylan, Subterranean Homesick Blues. Know it. Get it.

Weather Report from the Bunker

Windy conditions beginning mid-morning and continuing for the rest of the summer. Cloudless and fluorescent skies. The icicles beginning to develop in the ice box are not expected to melt any time soon.

Quote for the Day

(or at least the morning)

"If you dress for success, it's better."

Word of the day

CATACHRESIS:

1) use of the wrong word for the context;

2) use of a forced or especially paradoxical figure of speech

This was actually used in a sentence in the Bunker today, by one of the interns. Seriously.

Basking in the fluorescent lights

So, as our summer internship begins, we've been wondering how we came to be here, hidden away in this windowless, airless room...while the other group of interns occupies the windowed, natural-light-filled room in the front of the building. Why?

It's clear that we're just too hot to let out into the open. We're like a clandestine uranium enrichment program, hidden in an underground bunker. Or a secret pot farm thriving under fluorescent grow-lights in the attic of an innocent-looking suburban house.

So, let the Boiler Room lackeys soak up the natural light and pretend to get work done, like manequins in a retail store's display window. We'll be back here in the airless, windowless nerve center, quietly wringing justice from a corrupt world.