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Bionic Cat

True Story of a Mid-Life Crisis

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html

BELOW IS ALL ATTRIBUTED TO THE ABOVE WEBSITE

THURSDAY, JUNE 17, 2010

This is Why I'll Never be an Adult

I have repeatedly discovered that it is important for me not to surpass my capacity for responsibility. Over the years, this capacity has grown, but the results of exceeding it have not changed.

Normally, my capacity is exceeded gradually, through the accumulation of simple, daily tasks.

But a few times a year, I spontaneously decide that I'm ready to be a real adult. I don't know why I decide this; it always ends terribly for me. But I do it anyway. I sit myself down and tell myself how I'm going to start cleaning the house every day and paying my bills on time and replying to emails before my inbox reaches quadruple digits. Schedules are drafted. Day-planners are purchased. I stock up on fancy food because I'm also planning on morphing into a master chef and actually cooking instead of just eating nachos for dinner every night. I prepare for my new life as an adult like some people prepare for the apocalypse.

The first day or two of my plans usually goes okay.

For a little while, I actually feel grown-up and responsible. I strut around with my head held high, looking the other responsible people in the eye with that knowing glance that says "I understand. I'm responsible now too. Just look at my groceries."

At some point, I start feeling self-congratulatory.

This is a mistake.

I begin to feel like I've accomplished my goals. It's like I think that adulthood is something that can be earned like a trophy in one monumental burst of effort and then admired and coveted for the rest of one's life.

What usually ends up happening is that I completely wear myself out. Thinking that I've earned it, I give myself permission to slack off for a while and recover. Since I've exceeded my capacity for responsibility in such a dramatic fashion, I end up needing to take more recovery time than usual. This is when the guilt-spiral starts.

The longer I procrastinate on returning phone calls and emails, the more guilty I feel about it. The guilt I feel causes me to avoid the issue further, which only leads to more guilt and more procrastination. It gets to the point where I don't email someone for fear of reminding them that they emailed me and thus giving them a reason to be disappointed in me.

Then the guilt from my ignored responsibilities grows so large that merely carrying it around with me feels like a huge responsibility. It takes up a sizable portion of my capacity, leaving me almost completely useless for anything other than consuming nachos and surfing the internet like an attention-deficient squirrel on PCP.

At some point in this endlessly spiraling disaster, I am forced to throw all of my energy into trying to be an adult again, just to dig myself out of the pit I've fallen into. The problem is that I enter this round of attempted adulthood already burnt out from the last round. I can't not fail.

It always ends the same way. Slumped and haggard, I contemplate the seemingly endless tasks ahead of me.

And then I rebel.

Ninja Cat

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzzjgBAaWZw

LOLZ LOLZ LOLZ!

Due to the enthusiastic response to our earlier post, today our blog will feature hilarious animal pics throughout the day! Enjoy!

LOLZ!

Rape

Dena is trying to recruit people to go running with her at night. Some are telling her to go alone, while some are scared for her safety. In an effort to comfort her, Estelle told her that "most rapes occur from people you know". Very comforting indeed.

Goodbye Drew!

We're heading to Basil at 7pm (across from Lemongrass) partly as just a hangout but also to celebrate Drew's illustrious 5 week stint as a LAJC intern. See everybody there!

THE TENSION IS OVER!!!

Im very happy to report that a party in honor of Drew has ended tensions between the two rooms! Interroom relations are warm and fulfilling once more.

From the private collection of one of our gracious clients

Ode to the Boiler Room

Ode to the Boiler Room

Caitlin, your smile lights up the room,

You say goodbye to all our gloom.

Tamiesha, your just so awesome,

You make our heart-flowers blossom.

Drew,

I only wish I could be as cool as you (says Dena)

Daniel,

We want to dress you up in flannel,

And then make you speak Espanol (says Dena)

Cory, we've said all that can be said.

I need you like i need my daily bread. (says Mark)

Mica,

it's you we really likah likah.

Elizabeth,

We loved your potluck in Ivy,

It was definitely very lively.

Oh Boiler Room, here's our olive branch, we love you guys,

We hope this comes as a nice surprise!

Ode to the Bunker Room (From Cory)

‘Though the Boiler gives you a hard time,

I’m amazed at your skills with a rhyme.

The girls are all pretty,

And Mark is quite witty.

When Aditi says “y’all” it’s sublime.

Someone in the Bunker can't WAIT until 5

ITS CORY'S BIRTHDAY!!! OMG!!!

Ode to Cory

By: The Bunker

Whenever you walk into a room,

We all start to sway and swoon.

Your manliness knows no rival,

You're also very adept with the Bible.

You come and visit oh so often,

You make our cold Bunker hearts soften.

You were sweet enough to bring us doughnuts,

Cause you knew when you did, you would make us go nuts.

When you stand against the door with your mug,

We think to ourselves, "What a cool thug!"

We know we're law students and not poets,

But this beats your cupcake by far and you know it!

RETURN

Its sooooo great to be back. I missed you all. Except Salami

The Name Controversy

Rob has been making fun of the recent ambiguity which has been cast upon the name of one our prominent Bunker interns, Dena. Please stop, Rob. Her name in no way resembles a certain Italian deli meat.

Ode to Rolos

Ode to Rolos

By: Mark

Oh Rolos, your chewy sweetness,

So chewy, so sweet.

You melt in my mouth as

My heart melts in my chest.

Cascading caramel, circling

My taste buds,

Infusing joy into my windowless Bunker life.

Standard morning

Talk of rape, sex, Ben Stiller, and singing the Boy Meets World Theme Song. Its going to be another entertaining day in the bunker

New Addition

We have a new intern in the Bunker room- yay! His name is Tomas- he's a fourth year UVa undergrad and has had 6 iphones (that's all I know about him for now).

Mark was relieved to have him join us because there is too much estrogen in the Bunker room. Apparently, being in here is "like being on The View 24/7". That doesn't even make sense.

NOTE: THE ABOVE COMMENT DOES NOT REFLECT THE VIEWS OF MARK RABIDEAU.

Maybe with this new addition we can get this down to 8/5. You know, something more realistic.

Edited to add: the above statement made by Mark Rabideau is a direct quote. These exact words came from his lips.

Quick side note: I have it on good authority that Mark Rabideau is an avid fan of The View and Tivos it daily.

P.S.: Then clearly, Mark feels like he's on the view 24/7 because he is watching it the other 16 hours he is not in the Bunker room.

Please, this is spiraling. We can't maintain the quality of our blog if we keep fighting like this.

Think you see ball lightning on a regular basis? think again!

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2010/05/100514-science-ball-lightning-hallucinations-magnetic-fields/

Question of the Day

Is kissing on the first date okay, or should one wait? If one waits, how long before someone risks getting "friend-zoned"? (courtesy of R. Kiss. Btw, his answer to this later question is 3 dates)

Here's a special Cindy Kung post:

Tonight, its the flashy, pompous, conceited Lakers vs. the hard-working, down-to-earth Celtics, the people's team!

Sooooo lonely, Christina and Aditi went to a super fun meeting and left me :(

Mark has soooooo much room to sleep in

Estelle has soooooo much room to work in

We know how to use this blog!

This is so exciting! We should make it so that the ONLY thing we're allowed to post on this blog is just how excited we are that we know how to use this blog.

THE SUMMER OF 2010 HAS BEGUN!!!!!!!!!

This post has a singular purpose: to signify ever so clearly that the Bunker 2010 Blogging squad is a tenacious, vivacious, and audacious group who will be kicking it Bunker-style all summer long!!!!!