If Kevin Garnett Worked for the LAJC

TO:        Legal Aid Justice Attorneys, Staff, and Interns

FROM: Rule 12 (f), esq.

RE:        Kevin Garnett's employment at LAJC

DATE:   May 29, 2008

QUESTION PRESENTED:  It has come to our attention that most people here are not watching the Celtics right now and therefore, for some bizzare reason or another, do not know who Kevin Garnett is.  In order to make this accessible to the philistines, we've decided to answer the age-old question:  What would life be like Kevin Garnett worked at the LAJC.

SHORT ANSWER: It would rock

LONG ANSWER:  Kevin Garnett would completely revolutionize life at the LAJC in several different respects. I have summarized the key changes:

1) Education.  Many interns come from top law schools and have already completed college.  Some other interns are in college and are excelling there.  Kevin Garnett did not goto college, he didn't need to because he was so good that he got a job right out of high school.  He has life experience - he grew up on the hard streets of South Carolina, so his lack of formal education won't be problem. If you got a B+ in Property, it's a pretty good bet that Kevin Garnett would have gotten an A-. At least.  And when you can drive like Garnett, you don't need to *know* anything.

2) Compensation. LAJC offers no compensation to summer interns. Some are lucky enough to snag PILA grants, but even those only pay out a couple grand.  Kevin Garnett, however, is different.  In order to snag Garnett away from the burgeoning Boston five, the LAJC is going to have to dig deep.  Garnett receives $20 million dollars annually for his services for the Celtics, so to snag him for the Summer, LAJC needs to be prepared to dish out at least five million.  We might be able to get this pro-rated on account of the fact that interns were required to report by May 18, but my research has indicated that we may be required to indeminify the Celtics if Garnett's absence causes them to lose to the Lakers in the NBA championship for all the cool hats and stuff they won't be able to sell.  See, e.g., People v. Bryant, 56 Colo. 567 (Denver Dist. Ct, 2004).   Anyway, we think the price will be worth it and that the Celtics *may* still be able to hold out against Los Angeles without Garnett. 

3) Expertise.  Basketball players are great litigators. LeBron James, He's Faking It, A Commercial.  We recommend that Garnett start off in the boiler room with the civil advocacy division.  This works out because Garnett, who is 6' 11'' (7' 1'' by some measures), would probably not fit in the bunker. We could use Garnett's poise to brown-beat our adversaries in to submission.  Also, if any cases in arbitration involve basketball, he'd be OK at that too. 

4) Social Events.  Garnett is known as a very social person, and no doubt McGrady's happy hour would be even better than it is now.  If such a thing is even possible.

CONCLUSION:  Garnett would represent a valuable addition to our organization.  We personally volunteer to be LAJC's liaison to the Boston Celtics to see if they will let us have Kevin for the Summer.  We'll need travel money, a week off, and box-seats to the finals.